When He is at work in the north, I do not see Him. When He turns to the south, I catch no glimpse of Him. But He knows the way that I take. When He has tested me I will come forth as gold.
Job 23:9-10
This verse has described my days this summer. I do not see His work in my life. I am blinded by my inability to see the bigger picture. So many times I am pissed that my family isn't whole anymore. I can't imagine why my mom and dad can't spend their lives growing old together. They never chose this. I wish that my siblings had a dad and it breaks my heart to see them suffer. I do not see His work in the north. I catch no glimpse if Him when He turns to the South.
It can be so confusing.
He knows the way that I take. He knows me, and lets me sit in confusion. Sometimes I just need to sit back and let Him work. I don't need to know what's going on. I need to know that He knows the way that I take. When I cannot bear the pain of losing my dad, he is living in me, breaking with me. He knows. The way that I take. Whether or not I chose to take the path, He knows the way that I take. If He knows, what do I have to fear?
When He has tested me, I will come forth as gold.
Sorrow stretches the soul. I ask sorrow to be a companion all the days of my life if it means being more like Jesus. I want to come forth as gold, just like my Savior. Test me Lord, stretch me.
My journey this summer has been about trusting Him. I do not understand. Many days I am a wreck, just a ball of confusion and mess. If in all of this he still knows the way that I take, and after the mess and confusion I will come forth a new, better version of me, then I can trust Him. I have hope in this cloud of despair because He has promised me this.
I hate that my dad is gone. I do not understand.
But He knows the way that I take.
And after all of this,
I will come forth as gold.
Praise God who writes some incredible stories.
